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Mitzir E: The Ultimate Mitt Romney Flip-Flop Collection

May 6, 2013

Flip Flopper

Flip Flopper


I thought after Mitt Romney lost this last presidential election that we would be done hearing from him at least as a major national politician. His problem is that he’s been actively involved in American politics for twenty years now and the Mitt Romney we saw back in 1994 looks like a Democrat today. Or perhaps a Northeastern Republican at best and the Mitt Romney since 2007 is whoever he needs to be. To be acceptable in the current Republican Party and to speak up for Mitt just for a second.

The Mitt Romney that first got involved in the Republican Party twenty-years ago, was a much more conservative party in the traditional sense. Before the religious-right and Neoconservatives took over to the point they are running that party. And is now a party that’s a mixture of religious conservatism and economic libertarianism. And that’s just not the Mitt Romney twenty-years ago. The Mitt Romney back then was at best a Barry Goldwater Republican of government out of our wallets and bedrooms. And not someone who was interested in pushing the social issues.

And today’s Republican Party would like to see federal agents tuck us in bed to make sure we aren’t doing anything that they would see as immoral. But it’s Mitt Romney who decided to get involved in national Republican politics when he could’ve stayed in Massachusetts. And done very well there, but instead he’s involved in a party that’s moved far away from where he use to be politically.

And Mitt simply doesn’t fit in very well in the Republican Party anymore, so the Mitt that we see today is the Mitt that he believes that he needs to be at the time to advance his political career. So when he’s in swing-states he’s Moderate Mitt, when he’s speaking to the Tea Party or the religious-Right, he’s Religious-Conservative get government out of our wallets and into our bedrooms Mitt.

Or he’s Neoconservative Mitt that judges our military based on how much we spend on it and coming out in favor of mass deportations of illegal immigrants. When he’s in the Northeast he’s Mr. Northeastern Republican. Big government out of our wallets and bedrooms Mitt who doesn’t push the social issues. And then the next day when’s he in South Carolina, he is we need big government in our bedrooms to make sure no one is doing anything immoral in the privacy of their own homes. Like watching an adult movie.

When Mitt Romney was running for President, I simply called him Flip Flopper. Multiple-choice Mitt would work as well, pro-choice until it gets’ Mitt into political trouble. The truth is we do not know Mitt Romney because he might not know who he is either because he never found one. The Mitt that won’t get him into trouble so he brings out all of these new characters to show that he’s not really as bad as he use to be as he’s offending a new group of voters.

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From → Political Satire

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